Title: FRANKIE SAY RELAX (SECTION B)
Rating: R
Warnings: DRUG ABUSE.
Summary: A pop quiz in seventh-year R/S, seventies nostalgia, Frank Longbottom-as-a-pimp crack. Plus diagrams.

School's out for the summer
School's out forever
School's been blown to pieces
- Alice Cooper

Don't worry about the future, or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum.
-Baz Luhrmann


( I must become a man that children fear and adults respect, or we shall all end up in the street. )


Apologies for extreme lateness.

Tags: fic, sirius/remus
The waitress in the pretty skirt is feeling: bouncy

Title: FRANKIE SAY RELAX (SECTION A)
Rating: R
Warnings: exam paper format, drug abuse, shifting tenses, vomit, Frank Longbottom is a pothead. Written on crack.
SHOUT OUT: Happy birthday to nellie_darlin, for the 18^th.

“I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.”
- Woody Allen

Scripps: Oh, Pos, with your spaniel heart. It will pass.
Posner: Yes, it's a phase. Who says I want it to pass? But the pain, the pain.
Scripps: Hector would say it's the only education worth having.
Posner: Yes. I just wish there were marks for it.
- The History Boys, by Alan Bennett



( You may start writing now. )

Tags: fic, remus/sirius
The waitress in the pretty skirt is feeling: chipper

Title: “A little less conversation-”
Rating: R
Summary: A love-story with no dialogue.


Truth is in things, not in words.
-Herman Melville

But words – words are not enough!
Klaus Kinski

Don't speak/I know just what you're saying/So please stop explaining
-No Doubt

( A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous. )

Tags: fic, one-shot, remus/sirius
Current Location: comments are love
The waitress in the pretty skirt is feeling: sleepy
'Order-Expensive-Wine' Music: Jimi Hendrix

Picked my fic-writing self apart. Thoughts under the cut.

I tag anyone who writes fic to do this too, even though it didn't start off being a meme. DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT. It's fun. Plus, I tagged you personally. Do it, or I'll be mildly disappointed.

( You wrote 'you're gorgeous' on it. )

Tags: fic, self-analysis
The waitress in the pretty skirt is feeling: complacent
'Order-Expensive-Wine' Music: You're Gorgeous - Babybird

title: gillian trelawney and her weird and wonderful weather forecast, chapter 2
rating: PG-13
pairing and other things you should know: remus/sirius, smoking!remus, no ants were harmed in the writing of this fic
previous parts: part one
dedication: to dsbs, aplogies and love.

( Sirius reads the right sort of magazines. )

Tags: fic
The waitress in the pretty skirt is feeling: calm

title: gillian trelawney and her weird and wonderful weather forecast, chapter 3
rating: R for the word fuck quite a lot, and a sudden inexplicable VEER away from fluff
pairing and other things you should know: remus/sirius, smoking!remus, bad writing, dubious consent but he likes it really, the aforementioned VEER.
previous parts: part one, part two
dedication: to dsbs, aplogies and love. and penguin88, for always being willing to be strung along.

( Fucking fucking fucking arsehole. )

No idea in hell when this'll be updated.

Tags: fic
The waitress in the pretty skirt is feeling: decidedly uncalm

Happy birthday, dizzii! I love it whenever you update because your posts are so pretty (although I don't always comment). And your doodles and photography are lovely, which shows what a talented bundle of artisticness you are. Have a great day.

Tags: birthday

Feeling quite bouncy today.

It's amazing what a few hours with friends can do for your mood. And it's all sunny and lovely; I had the equivalent of about six cold desserts in the space of nine hours.

Of course, there are bugs everybloodywhere and I spent a good portion of the day feeling sticky and unloved, but watchagonnado about that? Nothing, that's what.

I shall now listen to Lily Allen - Smile for the first time ever.

Raspberry ice lollies > vanilla ice cream.

Even an imminent trip to the dentist can't dampen my mood. Not much, anyway.

Yay life.


ETA: Why am I only in the mood to be Christmassy when it's 31^oC outside*?

*And also July.

Tags: blah, happy, real life
The waitress in the pretty skirt is feeling: bouncy
'Order-Expensive-Wine' Music: Smile - Lily Allen

Part one of oh please God only two, two I can do, I hate WIPs.

title: gillian trelawney and her weird and wonderful weather forecast, chapter 1
rating: R for the word pubes and swearing and later chapters mostly
pairing and other things you should know: remus/sirius, smoking!remus, bad writing, dubious consent but he likes it really (not ackshully in this chapter but i thought i'd hook in the perverts early)
dedication: to dsbs, i'm really sorry it's not good or fluffy, but i hope you like it

( Dumbledore wears flip-flops. )
Part the second.
To be continued. Yes really.

Tags: fic, remus/sirius
The waitress in the pretty skirt is feeling: cranky
'Order-Expensive-Wine' Music: i'll have to completely edit this in the morning, won't i?

Happy birthday, dsbs. You make me more happy than you can possibly imagine. You are pretty damn cool, and lovely, and witty to boot. Also, I still have the mp3 of you playing like a musical dervish, which proves that you are talented beyond compare. So put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Hope you had a great day. Present in the works. *air kisses*

Tags: birthday
The waitress in the pretty skirt is feeling: celebratory

In honour of the World Cup - a Quidditch threesome. Kind of. Hooray!

Fred/Oliver Wood/George. R. And there are lewd Quidditch chants because I like being obscene.

'Where is Wood?' said Harry, suddenly realising he wasn't there.
'Still in the showers,' said Fred. 'We think he's trying to drown himself.' (PoA)

( Their Beaters are all batty boys/Who take it up the chuff )

None of this makes Fred any less heterosexual.

Tags: fic, footy, fred, one-shot
Current Location: engerland
The waitress in the pretty skirt is feeling: quixotic
'Order-Expensive-Wine' Music: Vindaloo - Fat, Les

More of the AU fic where they are rich and throw dinner parties and Sirius is always drunk and Petunia is in love with Sirius and Kreacher is the butler. And it would be good if people reviewed and told me how not to make it suck. And Peter and Remus are actually in this part. Huzzah!

I get so bored of being organized about these things. Here is the first bit, which has good banter, I'm told.

( more frippery )

May crosspost this, if it's slashy enough yet. *dips finger into mixture and tastes*

Tags: fic
The waitress in the pretty skirt is feeling: bitchy
'Order-Expensive-Wine' Music: a single typo and i'll scream rape

It seems that the plot bunnies are just going to make me write inane things until I at least pretend to forget about scoradh’s Sirius/James. If I take any responsibility onto myself, they start to conspire against me. It’s not fair.

So, this is how I wasted this afternoon. Random AU which is James/Lily and Sirius/Remus and there is no Hogwarts and probably no magic but Remus is still a werewolf. Somehow. And I’m not sure what time period it’s set in so I had to take out all descriptions of costume because Sirius was dressed like someone out of the seventeenth century and James was dressed like a Victorian and I have no concept of history. And they are all very rich and Sirius is drinking all the time and Stan Shunpike’s father is the Evanses’ watchman and I really wish I’d got onto the bit with Peter and Frank because I was planning that bit to be funny but I had to go and eat something. Also Petunia is in love with Sirius, but I didn’t really get round to that either.

You can completely tell the bits where I got bored and started stealing from reminiscing about Sebastian and Bingley.

( the fic with which i wasted my day )

ETA: The next part is over here.

My pretty paid account options have buggered off. Flighty things. Not that I used them.

And now instead of sleeping I think the most fun thing to do would probably be to write about Regulus and Mrs Black’s shopping trip in Italy. Damn it.

Tags: fic
The waitress in the pretty skirt is feeling: creative in all the wrong ways

I can't be bothered to lj-cut this fic.

It comes out of nowhere. First the wind starts up, creaking the trees and making them bend almost double, high branches straining with the effort of trying to cling onto their leaves. Sirius sits up reluctantly. Remus murmurs fuck, because the breeze has ruffled the pages of the book he wasn’t really enjoying anyway, and now he’s lost his place and will have to go through the headache of finding it again.

A fat droplet of grey plops onto the page, the rich dampness rapidly suffusing through the parchment. Remus watches in mild consternation as another drop falls, and then another. A group of shrieking Ravenclaw girls make a dash for the castle, scooping up the shoes they kicked off but not bothering to put them on again, picking their way over the pebbles in stockings and tights. They are too distracted to notice that their skirts are billowing up above their thighs. One of them is wearing blue knickers.

It begins raining in earnest, each drop a hard, insistent drum against the scalp. Remus closes the book just in time to stop its contents turning to soggy pulp, and hugs his knees to his chest, watching a tall blond boy in the year above and his friend make it indoors, each sheltering underneath a crumpled copy of The Prophet.


The girl with the blue knickers, charming her hair dry, looks out of the window at the deserted grounds and sees the two dark shapes still sitting on the grassy hillock. What the fuck are they playing at, she asks her friend, who doesn’t hear, so she repeats herself, lower, because a Professor is passing and she doesn’t want to get reprimanded for language. Her friend glances at the pair and shrugs, unconcerned.

Maybe they like the rain.


Sirius’s dark hair is soaked and plastered to his face. Water is dripping off his chin. Dilute mud is soaking into the backs of Remus’s legs, everywhere except the bit just behind his knees, which is slightly raised off the ground, and he can feel his hair turning curly at the nape of his neck. Sirius smiles and closes his eyes, beads of water tumbling over his eyelashes.

I bloody hate the rain.

Remus nods agreement, and wipes his brow with his sleeve, because the tickle of moisture there is getting irritating. It doesn’t work, because his sleeve is already sodden. Sirius moves closer, and rests his heavy head on Remus’s shoulder. Remus pushes him off hurriedly, with slippery hands.

You’re getting me wet, you wanker.


Sirius/James STILL in production. Dear God.

Tags: fic, one-shot, sirius/remus
The waitress in the pretty skirt is feeling: contemplative

Happy birthday, scoradh, for the 14^th.

Sorry that this is two days belated, and I'm sorry that your present is going to be even more belated - I should finish it by tonight near future, though - the damned computer seems to hate me and wouldn't work until now. But anyway.

I loves you dearly, Betty. You are witty and funny and intelligent and fantastic and all that jazz and a dash of polka added in. Although I must be about the worst person to co-write with ever, you made it such fun and increased my street cred considerably, because peoples actually think I am partially responsible for the stuff in the two H/Ds. I know you are currently being killed dead by the urea cycle and bebo - what larks I imagine that coupling to be! - so you may not read this until 2008, but I hope your day was all kinds of sex. I mean awesome. And know that you rock. ♥

Tags: birthday
Current Location: inside a gigantic cake
The waitress in the pretty skirt is feeling: rushed
'Order-Expensive-Wine' Music: Happy Days